And, I don’t want the world to see me,
cause I don’t think that they’d understand.
When everything’s made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am.
– Goo Goo Dolls
A wonderful psychic friend of mine, Suzanne Radell, sat with me in the dark of the evening. She read my aura and gave me a gift, a hint of who I am, of my true potenital and I feel blessed that she chose to give me such a wonderful gift.
Total Pure Joy
Show others by example how to think outside the box
Explore the nuances: To see shades of grey, not black and white.
Show people how to experience pure Joy
The Key to My Existence: CREATIVITY
I stand before you, in the image of the Goddess, in the form of her love and fidelity to humankind, her promise, her song.
These lush curves proclaiming fertility and femininity in womanly form and fashion.
My hair fine as silk, fragrant ready to sweep across my lovers cheek in moments of blissful abandon.
My cheekbones high below brilliant eyes filled with the knowledge and promise ever seeking answers.
Sweet lips of a gentle mouth urging forward truth, hope, and growth through exploration.
My pink tipped breasts covering the beating of a loving, passionate and honest heart.
Soft gentle hands caress away the past pull forwards towards a new beginning, towards hope and promise.
My belly curved from childbirth a badge of honor worn proudly proclaiming to the world my fertility.
The curve of my hip, sweetly round to caress towards the sweet apex where buttock meets thigh.
My strong shapely legs and thighs covered with smooth white skin, ready to spread and softly pillow my lovers hips.
Dimpled knees to kneel in prayer and reverence.
Strong and sensual feet firmly stand before you. A vision of a woman, in the image of the Goddess, aching for adoration.
I just read this very interesting quote:
“Shedding ego is a fearful experience until we begin to feel
all these benefits. We were taught not to feel but to think.
Now we must learn to feel and not think. There is a great
deal of unlearning that must take place and it is, quite frankly, a painful process.”
I wonder how do you censor a reaction that is based upon the feeling of fear. Is fear ever a valid emotion? Or, is fear always a reaction from ego?
My intention is to stop living in fear. To stop listening to the “should” and “must” ideas in my mind, to stop creating them in the first place.
Are my panic attacks the result of my ego going into “control overdrive”? Or, are they a reaction from the heart stopping me from doing things I don’t honestly want any part of?
the love you take is equal to the love you make.
Thank you for taking the time to visit. I sincerely hope you have enjoyed your stay, because I’m working on updating the site there will be more pages added very soon.
When I began this work in October of 1997 I did it for several very personal reasons — to deal with my anger constructively, to have a outlet to set my feelings free, to explore new ways to grow, to heal. I’m very glad to say that I’ve changed a great deal in that period of time and some of that change is related to my work on this site. What I never expected, when I created this not so private space for myself was that it would be viewed by and would move so many people.
I’ve been overwhelmed by the responses I’ve received from those who’ve taken the time to write to me. It’s been a wonderful experience and I would like to thank all of you who’ve reached out to me, sometimes when I least expected comfort, and when I needed it most, there you were and I’m grateful. I’m glad that I have been able to offer deep thought, hope, inspiration, joy and encouragement to others.
Work on this site stalled partly because of the lessons I was learning, and partly because I had forgotten that good advice my friend gave me about doing this just for myself. I bowed to pressure from “other people” and changed the form of my art so that people didn’t have to walk through one corridor (which made for a very long read I agree). Unfortunately in doing so I took away the thing that I felt was most important about this space, I took away the journey. I took away the continuity of the lessons, the poetry, the quotes, etc… I invalidated my vision and it broke my heart to look at it. I always intended this to be a gallery there are still five halls of art to choose from but now they also flow straight and seamlessly as I always intended them to.
This site is about growth, and I’ve chosen the words and images for their meaning to my own life lessons. I don’t expect everyone to understand everything they’ve seen here. If you listen to what your heart tells you you’ll be able to understand much of what I felt when I wrote each of the passages. I will continue adding words, images and pages as the spirit moves me to do so.
Originally published February 7, 1999