Narcissistic Abuse Recovery – Moving beyond a relationship with a narcissist is not a piece of cake. It’s difficult because their behaviors condition you to only think of them, to focus on their needs, to consider them first and after a period of time this process becomes a habit. You learn that if you don’t cater to their feelings you will suffer the consequences – your whole life ends up revolving around this other person.
Healing from a relationship with a narcissist is a lot like working the steps for an addiction; your brain doesn’t function normally after you’ve ended a relationship of codependency. The drama is like a drug, the push and pull of these strong personalities is like a sick form of gravity.
It can be so painful relearning to focus on your own self, to put self-care above other things, and to find footing in your own life again. Just like any addiction you miss that “drug”, you know it’s not good for you, you know it hurts you, you know you can’t “handle” it, but until you “reprogram” your brain the tug to return to what’s hurt you is extremely difficult to resist.
I sit here, missing Lisa. But, I know I don’t really miss Lisa. I don’t miss how she always put herself first, how she never cared about my feelings, that she never accepted responsibility for her actions, and how every time I lost my temper and told her to act like an adult she suddenly decided it was time to go back to her wife. I know that it’s just my brain thinking that it needs to “do something” because for almost a year my life revolved around a broken star.
I don’t ever want that dishonest, manipulative, destructive, disrespectful, sick, influence in my life again. It’s frustrating to struggle with this chemical/psychological habit, however, I’m grateful to be able to recognize where I am in the cycle and know that it’s just a matter of time – It takes 21 days to reprogram your brain to break a habit… it’s been 9 days since my last contact with Lisa… 12 days to go, and every day should get a little better from here.
A tool for healing from Narcissistic Abuse: SuperBetter
Moving beyond a relationship with a narcissist is not a piece of cake. Click To Tweet