Since weaning off Celexa I’ve lost 20 lbs. Why? Because I can feel when I’m hungry, when I’m full, and can process what I’m feeling as I’m craving specific foods which allows me to make better choices for my body.
As difficult as things have been the past 6 months, I’ve been better able to manage the stress, have been more creative (in baby steps), am sleeping well with normal dreams, and am less tired so I have more energy. I’m also no longer freaking out with a million options and no direction, clarity of thought has returned.
I understand the difference between serious depressive disorders which require treatment, and situational depression which may or may not. While I’ve struggled with situational depression on and off my whole life – in the long term taking Celexa made all my symptoms worse, made me gain weight, which made me more depressed and led to a lot of negative thoughts and lower self-esteem, and took away my ability to access tools I’d developed to cope.
I remember thinking how great this magic pill was that it made it so I could move on after the Narcissist, but I look at things I did in the following years and wonder how much better my life might have been if I’d let myself feel and process the pain. I suspect my career would be in a better place, and I bet I would have seen my Ex’s BS upfront instead of in hindsight, but I’m never going to know.
Celexa didn’t make me less anxious, less depressed, or less stressed, it made me not feel how anxious, depressed, and stressed I was. That’s like numbing a sports injury and sending the player back out to play. You know it’s just going to cause more damage and potentially risk permanent injury. Celexa is a tough drug to wean off of, when I began this process I gave myself a year to focus on my wellness through this process, I still have about 8 weeks to go before I’ll say it’s complete.
I have loved ones on different types of psychiatric medication, including Celexa, which they need to treat life threatening mental health conditions. I’m thankful the medication is there for them. I’m also mindful that my story may send conflicting messages about anti-depressants or anti-anxiety meds. Each individual needs to make an informed decision with the help of their doctor about what’s best for them – without all the facts you simply can’t know what’s best.